Many of us are called upon to help our elderly parents downsize. It’s rarely an easy process but planning ahead and communicating well make the process flow more smoothly.

My mom and dad are amazing people. Intelligent, kind, capable . . . and independent. THEY were always the go-to people–ready, willing, and able to help everyone. But, time changes things and now they need help. Let me share our journey with you.

Communication

A huge life change—when to give up driving—required a lot of communication. Our initial conversations were just banter, but, they progressed to deciding what indicators would lead to a ‘no more driving’ decision and what alternative transportation options were available. It was two years between the initial conversations and ultimately relinquishing the car keys. Giving up driving after seven decades wasn’t easy, but it was a peaceful transition because we talked through everything ahead of time.

Other conversations involved living arrangements. Mom and Dad had already downsized to a 2-bedroom home but somehow acquired at least 4-bedroom’s worth of things after downsizing. Sadly, Dad passed away recently and now it’s time for Mom to move to a much smaller apartment.

Mom is sentimental and loves her many beautiful things. I am a professional organizer who seeks to avoid excess. How do you harmoniously reconcile these different styles? The same way you decide how to determine when it’s time to stop driving . . . lots of communication.

My Journey

As a professional organizer, I work with clients to map out a plan that best suits their parents and them. Of course, I did the same for Mom and me. Here’s a little bit of our process:

Discard Cans and Jars

My folks were children during the Depression and valued having food on hand so there were a lot of food items to be discarded (none suitable for donation). I started decluttering here because I have limited places to discard the food. My trash options are my home, my office, and Mom’s retirement community. Trash receptacles in each location are limited in how much they can hold and how much weight they can bear. By filling all available receptacles every week over many weeks, I removed a lot of trash and avoided burnout because I didn’t try to do everything at once.

Discard Remaining Food Items

Even after removing the heaviest food items, there was still a lot of food to remove. I decided to do these items next because although they weren’t as heavy as cans and jars, they still required trash receptacle space and needed to be removed over time. Additionally, continuing to work on food items let me see more progress than jumping to another category. Even professional organizers need the dopamine hit of seeing progress!

Mom Declutters The Clothing

Mom is a sharp dresser and values her clothes. I asked her to declutter clothing while I decluttered other things. This allowed her to keep the pieces she wants most and it keeps her invested in the project. We still have a long way to go with decluttering clothing, but I’m proud of how much she has accomplished. She averages 6-8 small grocery bags of donations each week. Decluttering small amounts consistently gets big things done and that’s what’s happening for us. However, it’s unlikely that Mom will finish decluttering all the clothing by moving day. That’s OK. I know that decluttering clothes is one of the faster decluttering tasks and I can finish this for my mom before she needs to move.

Decluttering Paperwork

Papers and documents can be overwhelming so we have handled that a little bit at a time too. A few months before Dad passed, he started purging files they no longer needed. He didn’t finish, but it lessened what I need to do and I appreciate it. Now, I take home a couple folders each time I visit Mom. My self-imposed rule is that I go through whatever I bring home within 24 hours so I don’t clutter my home. Although there’s a lot of paperwork, I find most of doesn’t need to be kept any longer and can be recycled or shredded.

I’m keeping the paperwork at my house since there won’t be room in Mom’s new apartment. But I don’t need all the folders she had previously since there won’t be much reason to go into the files. Using fewer folders makes filing much quicker whether files are kept in your home or with your folks.

Decluttering Household Goods & Furniture

As I go through household goods and furniture, I take pictures of what doesn’t fit Mom’s new apartment but that I think the adult grandkids might want (my siblings and I have enough things at this stage in our life and don’t need any more). The grandkids know the drill: if you see something you want, speak up. The first one to claim something gets it. If no one says they want an item within 24 hours, it goes to the thrift store. All the grandkids live out of state so pick-up must be within a couple months since that is as long as I’m willing to store things at my house.

Pro tip: When it comes to making thrift store drop-offs, don’t wait until you have a full load (unless the thrift store is quite a distance from you). Dropping off small amounts more frequently keeps your vehicle from becoming cluttered and creates a better ‘move the clutter’ flow.

Watch Out For Fatigue

Burn out. It’s real! Here are some pitfalls to watch for and avoid.

Your Burnout

On planes, more capable passengers are wisely coached to put on their oxygen masks before helping someone else. If the more capable person succumbs, no one is left to help the less able person. The same is true for helping your folks downsize. If you wear out, you can’t help them. How do you avoid this?

Your Parents’ Burnout

You can do more than your folks can physically, mentally, and emotionally. Decision-making and moving things is exhausting for them. It’s tempting to press hard because you have the energy (mostly!) and see the need. But, pushing your folks past what they can handle will never turn out well.

Follow the plan. Remember the ‘realistic plan’ you created above? Stick with it. Building in ‘no decluttering’ and ‘slow decluttering’ times helps you AND it helps your parents.

Throughout your downsizing journey, remember that decluttering is for a season but your relationship with your parents is forever. Be careful not to sacrifice their feelings for efficiency. And if efficiency and time become a problem, look for alternatives to ease the process. Your parents will feel better and so will you.